                The Athens REGISTER



                 Abraham Lincoln Wins Election

Athens, Wednesday, November 6--A new era will start in January with a new
president.  The American people mostly have a lot of confidence in the next
administration.  Those who don't believe that it's better than if the other
guy got elected.  The loser of this election is reportedly considering a new
carreer in fast food.  When asked to comment on the election, Harry Truman
said nothing because he is dead.
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POLLS:
United States:
Stephen Douglas    21 %
Abraham Lincoln    65 %
undecided     15 %

Utah:
Stephen Douglas    15 %
Abraham Lincoln    62 %
undecided/other     22 %
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                        PIRATES SPOTTED IN ROCKIES

Denver, 1820-something--A group of drunken pirates were seen sailing a broken
down termite infested ship(?) through the Rockies.  Said Maria Nder, wife of
Doctor Nder, "I saw a grizzly comin', then I noticed it was on the poop deck
of that. . . that thing!"  Local police have no suspects yet, but they are
being led to the coast of Europe by a private investigator named Dillweed.
Said Long John Underwear, a famous buccaneer, "I am Beanholio!  I have to
wipe myself!"

For more information, play Piracy
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TV listings for this week:

     POX             RBC             BBS            PTV            TB

Full Blouse    The Fresh RinseStar Wreck    Beers         Power Mangers
Dumb Home videoMops(in Moscow)Family Flies  Kite Rider    Quan. Frog Leap
The Rice is Ri.Andy Griffin   Tiny Moons    Rescue 90210  H*A*S*H
UZI P.I.       Sad About You  Wonder Tears  Purses        Roach
Sign-feld      The Veal World Speeding She  David #-man   The Baby Bunch
The Flying Bun The 18           Wrote       The Wetsons   59 Minutes
Herman's Toe   My Two Nads    Flabby Days   Shaved by BellCommercial
Off Air        Candid StenoingRings         Panimaniacs   Mary Tyler Bore
The Saltons    Sister Ed      Murphy Clown  LA Bra        Leave to Weaver
Wet Dart       LN w/Conan the Debate        Sesame Seed   Captain Plower
Revoltron        Barbarian    My Three Buns My Mother the Honeyeaters
Dr. StrangeloveMovie:         Movie:            Train     To be Announced
  the series    Home Alone VII   Russian    CNN Coverage  Addams Family:
Dillhole:                        Under Ware  of US-Russia  The Next Genern.
  the series                                 summit       Flatman
Under Woman    The 6 Man    The IncredibleClay Watch    Sports:
Pork & Mindy   Perfect Rangers    Bulk      Dennis the     Paint Drying
I Cry          Nudibranch Man People's Wart    Spinach    

